Day 21
SUCCESS!!!! For the first time in 21 days the group finally gets the 5 minute fireside ritual on the first try in 4 minutes, 30 some seconds. Shawn is happy and hopes that this sparks everyone. Hopefully these small victories will allow the group to build on their self worth and self esteem.
The weather gets pretty nasty by dumping some wet, heavy snow on camp, which becomes a muddy mess.
The group is suffering with self-esteem issues and at the front of the pack is Lexie who sits in the mud, feeling that she is just a victim. We are reminded of her past bad experience that has left such big scars on her heart that she doesn't know what true love is.
Brat Repellant
SageWalk has a designed plan to help the kids regain their self-esteem. The students are blindfolded and led to a secret location (Smith Rock State Park). They "trust walk" to the edge of a 300-foot sheer rock face. Each kid will repel down the cliff in an effort to conquer their fears and add to their self-confidence. Jada is the first to go while Derek and Lexie watch with very much anxiety. Isaiah admits to having a little fear, but quickly overcomes it and makes it all the way down. It is now Derek's turn and he does not want to do this by saying, "I'm scared". The counselors really wanted to "push him over the edge", but that is not the SageWalk way. I have to assume that the converse is true when a kid fails at a challenge. So I guess Derek is left feeling like a total failure. Next up is Lexie. Nick offers her some comforting words by saying, "Just think how good it will feel when you hit the bottom". Nice choice of words. Even he knew he blew it!! Lexie is frozen with fear at first as the past once again eats away at her. Mother Raven, a therapist tells us that she knew this was going to be particularly challenging for Lexie. Even though she cries the whole way down, Lexie shows pretty good form and makes it safely to the ground where cheers greet her and Boulder gives her a great big hug. This was a huge leap for Lexie.
Get Out The Tissues...
Lexie's progress inspires Lauren to examine her issues. Mother Raven and Lauren meet in their one-on-one session and discuss the upcoming anniversary of death of Lauren's father (he was buried Christmas Eve). MR suggests that Lauren write a letter to her Dad. Finally, Lauren is able to truly begin the mourning process. It was at this point that I put the recording on hold and headed for the bathroom for some tissues. Yes, I admit this scene really got to me, having lost my father just two years ago. The way Lauren works through this is very special and I will write her thoughts as she gave them while a song played in the background about letting go and saying good-bye:
It shouldn't have to be like this. I am trying to be so strong.
I still can hear his voice. It plays back over and over.
I don't know why GOD had to take him.
I'm used to putting it in the back of my head, just going and getting stoned and washing it away. It's just not worth it!
Daddy I want to do this for you, I miss you so much.
I hope you hear me.
I need your help.
Help, please make me strong.
I can't go through this without you.
Come On Baby Light My Fire.....
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