Let's Examine This Character Here And Now
What is it about Ted Nugent? He is not a mainstream kind of guy and he's very proud of that. He's a gun toting, flag waving musician who seems to be happy in his own way and hasn't frittered his money away on anything frivolous like drugs. I don't know if he actually needs money now because he seems to own considerable real estate, animals and a whoppin' gun collection, but he has just completed the second season of his show for VH1 "Surviving Nugent."
Having watched the first series, I can state with certainty that it was highly entertaining, amusing and original. The challenges were nothing short of genius. I would even venture to say that it was tougher spending time with Uncle Ted for less than 10 days than to be marooned for 39 days in the jungle somewhere foraging for food.
No one got off easy. As a contestant, you weren't just banished, fired or "roseless," you were actually "whacked off" with an arrow broken over your head or other body part that gave you the message to start packing. Then there was a humiliating ride to the gates while Big Jim hurled insults by the mouthful. A lot of people seemed very relieved to go.
But before all that, here are some details about Ted Nugent and the man he turned out to be today.
Going Back With Ted
Born on December 13, 1948, in Detroit, the guy was a genuine "Madman" almost from birth. Always controversial and unafraid, he captured everyone's imaginations if not always their hearts. He started playing the guitar at a tender age while developing his very strong opinions.
In his day, Ted was a hell of a rocker who sold out huge arenas and knocked 'em dead with his long hair, loincloth, stage antics and Gibson Byrdland guitar which he played brilliantly. His stance was always about clean living and he made his anti-drug message known before it was politically correct to do so. He was definitely not representative of the zeitgeist back in the day when drugs were rampant and the booze was flowing down everyone's throats.
Ted had been in several bands before he hit it big with the Amboy Dukes. But what really put the Nuge on the map was his mega-hit "Cat Scratch Fever" in the 70s. Many more hits ensued after that, but soon he found himself broke due to bad management failed business ventures. Things got worse when heavy metal hit the scene and Ted had to think of new ways to regain what he had lost. Ted continued to tour and turn out some great music through the 90s. "High Enough" was a top ten hit for the guy that has always eschewed drugs.
He tried his hand at acting, hosted a #1 morning radio show in Detroit, ran a hunting camp and got his own PBS show entitled "Spirit of the Wild." He even wrote an autobiography, the appropriately (for Ted) titled "God, Guns, & Rock N' Roll" as well as his latest book, "Kill It And Grill It." The man revels in creating controversy but he has done some great things including being a spokesman for D.A.R.E. and running a kids' camp.
I'm not trying to sell the guy, but I have learned to respect a lot of things about him. He is quite militant, but also hilariously funny and a devoted family man.
The First Series
While the first "Surviving Nugent" was just 2 hours long, it served to whet my appetite for more. First of all, there was that cleverly selected mix of players who were sure to get into each other's hair with their sexual preferences and political agendas. Along with that came Ted's sadistic and subtle humiliations which were laced with humor and peppered with rewards. In other words, a heady blend. Then there was the satisfaction of seeing Ted's unerring sense of bullshit detection. He ferreted out those that displeased him and always gave a "Ted rational" reason that made sense mostly to himself. But the beauty of the whole show was that he was the lawmaker and control freak. He was the sheriff. End of story.
The living quarters were semi-appalling and they had to perform unpleasant feats which often involved mud, slime and farm animals. Don't ask. As I recall, one of Ted's Trials involved retrieving suitcases from a swamp.
The attire was also very reality-show apropos. The girls were stripped down to their bikinis at every opportunity and a T & A cam was never far away from the de rigueur close-up shots.
Surviving Nugent 2 - The Ted Commandments
VH1 took a bolder step this time. They turned the show into multiple episodes which ended last night with a rousing finale. The contestants were once again a strange brew. We had Ariel, the Vegan "doing it for the animals," Sajen, Mr. Hollywood, and most disliked player, Bob the Hippie, an undercover vegan and the Modern Primitive of this series (see Mad Mad House) who almost made it to the end, Dawn, bartender and bi-sexual (I've never quite understood that concept), Ryak, a Somalian Muslim and Ipecac victim, Danielle, the party girl with the big party favors--her chest, Nakia, an L.A. waitress (which probably means aspiring actress), Erik, the Jock who is now working at Best Buy after attending Michigan State University and earning an MBA, Josh, the bookworm with the high squeaky voice who hates sex because he's bad at it (hey, I read that on his bio), and a mysterious Chinese food deliverer who appeared to have gotten run over in a car accident in the first episode, but turned up very much alive at the end and 'fessed up to being a Hollywood stuntman.
I have to admit right here and now that I missed the first hour but caught the last thirty minutes of the long opening episode. Apparently, I missed horse poop tossing and Uncle Ted almost cutting his own leg off with a chainsaw. Dammit.
The part that I did see did not captivate me the way the first series did. Was it my imagination, or did the Nuge become more mean-spirited? Did Big Jim become abusive and nasty beyond all reasonable limits? Was it all shtick?
However, by the time Episode 3 rolled around, things got very lively. The highlight for me was the Chili Bath. There were some odd pairings beginning with two girls, Ariel and Danielle, who took turns rolling in the tub of chili and licking each other off beginning with a mouth exchange of chili and spitting it into a container which was later to be weighed. The second pair consisted of two people who detested each other, Dawn and Sajen who seemed game enough but then stayed as far apart from each other as possible afterwards. The winners of this Trial were Bob and Erik who exchanged chili by mouth and tongues on bodies to deposit it in aforementioned receptacle. Get the picture?
It was hilarious, off-putting and disturbingly sensual all at the same time and exceeded all bounds of good taste. But who cares? It was great. Bob and Erik got to have a fancy outdoor dinner with Big Jim who almost turned human while he milked the guys for information (like they hadn't suffered enough already) so that he could run back and tell the boss.
There was a demolition derby where everyone got to spray paint their cars before they destroyed them, a deer slaying and evisceration ceremony and some other questionable antics like Ipecac Roulette where all the players had to swallow a shotful of liquid and only one contained the vomit inducing medicine. The unlucky hurling loser was Ryak.
Nothing Is Politically Correct Here
To me the beauty of the show is its total lack of fairness. People are judged not by their ethics or morals but how Dictator Ted perceives them. He picks them off one by one and lists their offenses in order of importance--to him.
The players win things along the way. They get to visit Ted's family or select something out of Ted's Shed. Funny, no one chose any of Ted's music and personal artifacts. The first winner got some great computer stuff, while another one selected the sports package which included everything from a snowboard to clothing and backpacks. One of the more amusing prizes was the one where Danielle got to be The Nuge for the night. They had matching outfits, matching pajamas. They brushed their teeth at the same time, but only one of them got to climb into bed with Shemane--Danielle!
At times it got to be a bit much. The next to last challenge almost killed them. They had to be buried up to their heads in cold muddy water and stay submerged as long as they could. Then in a twist straight out of Fear Factor, the scorpions were released and then mealy worms were tossed on their heads. Did I mention that it was nighttime? The temperature above ground was cold and even colder underground. The remaining lunkheads stayed buried alive until they had to be released before they died of hypothermia. One of them was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Ariel, whose body temperature must be low from lack of protein anyway, had sustained the most damage and had to be treated. She insisted on being released so that she could go back and try to win the $100,000 prize and the pimped out 1936 cherry-red, Chevy Street Rod. The other three spent the time shivering in Ted's house in front of the fireplace until they warmed up.
The ultimate winner was Dawn and she beat out "the Bob" by a hair and by knowing how to hold a bow and arrow the correct way and shooting The Nuge's effigy in the heart. In my opinion, the show ended up much better than it started out.
The Bottom Line And Last Words
Either I had forgotten the abrasiveness of the host and his foreman as well as the animosity between the contestants, or one of two things happened--I got used to it, or things got a bit mellower as they moved along.
After the first episode, I vowed not to watch the entire thing but my Replay decided to remember it for me anyway and I am grateful. I truly began to enjoy it just as much as I would enjoy getting to know Ted: For a short while, but perhaps not over a protracted period of time. This is not because of his very firmly stated and oft repeated views on things, but because he is such a dominant personality. His former bandmates slipped away from him one after the other because he wanted complete control over them. His wife is either hiding some drugs under the bed or is just a saint, because as funny as Ted is, he is a bit much. But don't get me wrong, I really like the guy.
I also like the show. It dares to be different. It's cruel, but not any crueler than Fear Factor. You get to meet detestable competitors, but not any more detestable than on Survivor or Big Brother, and it's on Ted's home turf which is now a compound in Texas (no state income tax there--Good thinking, Ted). His first show was filmed in Michigan. Hey, I just thought of something, maybe Ted has TWO compounds. You never know, he is a pretty smart guy.
CaliGirl loves the Ocean, granola and winemaking. When not busy with that, writing is her biggest thrill, well almost. She can be reached at california_girl100@yahoo.com
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