The Complex: Mailibu - Episode 5
Intense Jerk Man & The Hottie
By Randall The Vandal
September 24, 2004
The regular recapper for this show, Evan, is on vacation this week, and in my ongoing attempt to annoy as many people in as short as time as possible, I'll be filling in. I'm not sure, but I think Evan went to the coast of Florida for a week. Apparently, his travel agent is a practicing sadist.
The Complex Malibu is down to their final four couples, and from here on out there will be no more teams, just each couple trying their best to win. The four couples include Steve and his uberbabe fiancée, Nicole; fireplug Ana and her boyfriend David, who more than bares a striking resemblance to Scott from Big Brother (although that can't be right because we all know that Scott's one true love was, is and always will be Jase); tough as nails Sam and her husband/whipping boy Dave, and my favorite couple of the four, Barney and Rose, who spend every waking hour yelling and screaming at each other.
They are like a walking advertisement for why not to get married. Of course, this really doesn't affect me, since to get married I'm pretty sure you have to go on a second date. Not that I'll ever run into that problem.
The first of the two projects this week will be the deck. Since the teams have been disposed of, Steve can return to his secret identity as Intense Jerk Man. Intense Jerk Man is single minded on the project at hand, and will become an enemy of everyone around him. But Intense Jerk Man doesn't care, as long as he wins the all important reality show. Also, having a really hot fiancée doesn't hurt. I want to be Intense Jerk Man.
The work begins, with Dave and Ana shopping for an outdoor rug to cover their deck. Unfortunately, it weighs about 300 pounds, so it takes about 4 people to move it for him. Then they decide to buy a hot tub, but argue about it. So that's what Barney & Rose looked like when they were younger. Speaking of the devils, they are shopping for kitchen cabinets, having decided to convert their deck into a third bedroom and leaving little room for any decorating of the actual balcony. They meet a really sleazy salesman who Barney thinks is a scam artist. The show doesn't name this greasy salesman, but I'm willing to bet he goes by the moniker of Guido. You know it's a bad recap when the word 'moniker' is used. Scott and Sam decide they want to buy a grill, and the Sears saleswoman tells them that this is the last one they have in stock. Now, a saleswoman wouldn't actually lie just to make a commission, now would she?
Intense Jerk Man and his hottie girlfriend are in the car, and his tunnel vision makes hot girl burst into tears. Wait until she reads this recap and finds out that a born loser who has nothing to do but watch reality TV shows on a Friday night keeps referring to her as a hottie. Then she'll really feel bad. But in case she does get tired of Intense Jerk Man, she has at least one person who likes her. Or as my hero would say to get women to fall in love with him: Come. Come to Butt-Head.
Everyone has returned from their scavenger hunt, all conducted at the same store, and three of the four are returning with the exact same grill. Oh, those bastards at Sears! Only Barney & Rose return with a regular Bar-B-Q grill. Apparently, George Foreman was on the street corner peddling his wares again.
The judging committee is on the premises soon after, and each balcony is inspected. The female inspector decides she doesn't like outdoor carpeting, Rose decides she doesn't like David the gabby real estate broker, and Intense Jerk Man has decided that he doesn't like me calling his fiancée hot. As the results are read by the host, Intense Jerk Man and his girlfriend win 1st place, meaning they get $1000 from each of the other couples, plus a night in the Presidential Suite. It's nice to know that you can be obnoxious all day long, and still get to have sex with an attractive blonde at night. Not that I would know anything about that.
After the winning couple returns to The Complex, the second project for this episode is announced: the 2nd bathroom. Sam is so disgusted with losing that she has apparently given up. I can tell because she began waving a white flag. She also began murmuring the words 'No Mas, No Mas'. She even wrote a concession speech, complete with raving screeches of madness, ala Howard Dean. But Scottie was still determined to win, as were the other couples, so they all began working on number two.
Barney soon discovers granite beneath the tiles in the bathroom wall, and has decided it looks fine and knocks out all of the tiles. He might finish this bathroom for under twenty dollars at this rate. Meanwhile, Ana is unhappy with the tile she picked, and she and Dave go back to the store. They get into another argument in the ride over. These people should stop driving so much. Steve has hired a drywall expert, thanks to the three thousand dollars he and Nicole just won, and they are re-tiling the entire bathroom. Intense Jerk Man seems to have returned to his normal self. Having sex with knockout blondes apparently has that affect. Not that I would know anything about that, either.
Ana's kitchen cabinet design guy has called and cancelled, meaning she is in deep doo-doo. Luckily, they have this really neat 2nd bathroom. She's going to need it. Due to sheer exhaustion, Sam fell asleep and Scott decided to retile the bathroom himself. I don't think Sam's going to like that. Tip to Scott. Never upset a woman who acts and sounds like Leah Remini. It's just good business sense.
Barney has totally redone his bathroom without spending a dime, Ana & Dave are now arguing about what appliances they need for the kitchen, and Steve and Nicole are still re-tiling the bathroom. Soon after, the couples are rushing to finish the bathroom when the horn sounds, ending the 3rd period. Or that time has expired on the renovation. One or the other. Whereas the judges were full of ideas and comments for their walk-thru five days earlier on their balconies, today they are observing Marcel Marceau Day, and won't be saying a word. This doesn't stop Rose from making fun of David, the real estate guy. God love ya, Rose.
At the end of the show, Ana & Dave win the approval of the judges' votes, and the extra $3,000. The other three couples can't believe it, and are disgusted with the results. They also beg Evan to never go on vacation again. He agrees.
Randall the Vandal, is a humor writer who enjoys writing recaps of the reality shows currently dominating the airwaves. Known for stealing other people's ideas and writing styles, Randall the Vandal has spent many years honing his craft in the finest detention centers across the southeast and is recognized as one of the funniest writers emerging today. At least by his mother. His father refuses to comment.
Email Randall here: randallthevandal2004@yahoo.com
They Were Cast, Why Not You? - Get RTV Casting Call Notices In Your Email Box.
Reality TV Calendar will send you the latest casting calls as soon as they are released. Calls are often short notice with short deadlines. You need to make contact immediately. You can't do that unless you have immediate notification of the call. Now only $7.95.
Click here for more information. Or click the Buy Now Button to subscribe now.
