Joe Schmo 2: Episode 7
Did They Really Do That?
Recap By C.C. McCandless
July 27, 2004
"Everything keeps getting better," said the Joe Schmo producer at the initial meeting before this week's episode. "Tim and Amanda are really, really into this now…maybe too into it…spread the wealth today with your affections." And judging by what happened this week, the producers decided to take their own advice.
Nothing like starting the day by finding out that the resident starlet likes to go commando. "Are you wearing anything under that skirt?" Tim asked Cammy as they lined up for breakfast. "No," she replied. "I try to do that as often as possible." Yowza. TJ soon revealed that he had heard a rumor about Cammy's prior video work, and she confirmed that it was true. And while they discussed this, Bryce sent over yet another airplane-towed banner, this time reading "look behind u."
And there he was. Derek revealed that since Austin was allowed to bring Ingrid back, Piper would be "extended the same courtesy," so, in other words, Bryce is back after, in Derek's words "sending her banner…after banner…after banner."
Then came another goofy challenge with one-on-one time on the line. And this one was simply, intentionally, and utterly painful. Piper and Austin appeared on a pair of small balconies, decked out in Shakespearian garb, as each of the contestants had to do their best to woo the bachelor and bachelorette, Romeo and Juliet style. I'm still too disturbed to go into details, but suffice it to say that Gerald sang and played guitar, TJ rapped, Cammy made balloon animals (I'm passing on all the "inflated" jokes here), Tim wrote and read a poem, and Amanda performed a cheer. Velveeta is not this cheesy, folks. Tim described Amanda's performance as "very cheery…kind of awkward to watch," and he was dead-on regarding this whole segment. TJ and Cammy won the solo dates.
Over dinner, Amanda performed an entertaining impression of Derek. At least I enjoyed it, although I thought it sounded a lot more like Rachel Dratch from Saturday Night Live in the "my lover" sketch with Will Ferrell, but maybe that's just me. Gerald and Bryce also engaged in great dueling impressions of each other, with each guy ripping on the other's distinctive mannerisms. Somehow this segued into a discussion on breast size, centering on Cammy and Ingrid. TJ guessed their exact measurements and no, this did not appear scripted. He is, after all, a self-described "sexpert." After the meal, Derek arrived to announce that "TJ asked me if I could bring him some dessert. Unfortunately, he ordered Porked and Beans." And with that, Derek set up the small monitor once again so that the guys could view the video. Tim was floored. "Oh…my…god," he stammered while staring, before gathering himself and analyzing things a little closer. "Who the (expletive) has a pork and bean fetish?" Great question, Tim.
Having Cammy and TJ go on boring solo dates wouldn't work at all, so the producers cooked up a great development to get everyone involved. Cammy and TJ would each have an earpiece on during the date so they could follow instructions given to them by everyone else via an "auditory relay thingie"-technical term. The results were fantastic. Tim, being the great guy that he is, got very upset when the other players attempted to sabotage TJ. Beforehand, Tim warned him about the fact that Piper's dad would be watching. Things got even better when Cammy met up with Austin. Gerald took over, giving Cammy tons of tiny little remarks and nuances as he himself gazed longingly at Austin on the monitor. "You're not allowed to use the microphone anymore," Bryce informed Gerald. But use it he did, feeding Cammy more great lines. "Speaking of necklaces, did you shove Eleanor's pearl necklace up your ass?" she asked him upon Gerald's prompting, following up with "if not, do you plan to?" It was priceless.
Throughout the entire episode, the cast members walked on eggshells about Bryce's dead frog, Everett. Nobody wanted to be the bearer of bad news, until TJ finally brought it up. "I think this is the Jenga piece we're about to talk about right now," said Tim in a wisely apt statement, as the situation quickly came tumbling down. Bryce and TJ started jawing away and getting in each other's face. Tim tried to break up the near-fight for a while before finally letting them settle things themselves. "I can't believe I just fell into the drama trap," said Tim afterwards. "That's so unlike me." If you only knew the trap you'd fallen into, Tim…
Afterwards, Gerald conducted another "interview" about the great work done in the previous scene by his fellow actors. And yet again, seeing these guys break the fourth wall and briefly get out of character is really entertaining. But this time they almost got burned. They were celebrating their great work by having some fun out of character and Tim walked in. Apparently they quickly covered their tracks, with TJ explaining that he and Bryce had patched things up. Tim didn't seem to catch on.
The night ended with a scheduled flame of love ceremony. "One of you will be giving up your seat in love's luxury first class section," said Derek, "and instead, be cast out into rejection's middle seat in coach." But first, naturally, came a falcon twist. Maybe Montecore sprung one because Bryce was staring him down so hard. Regardless, it was a big one. Instead of the standard flame of love ceremony, Austin (not Piper) would be choosing one of the guys to go. So, you guessed it, it was an all-male pearl necklace eviction ceremony. "There is nothing in this world I'd rather have than a pearl necklace from you," Gerald quickly informed Austin. And he got one. So did TJ, while managing to remain cool. Was Bryce going to get the boot again? It sure looked like it.
And then the shocker: Austin evicted Tim. Tim was absolutely flabbergasted, then collected himself and took his time saying his goodbyes, despite Derek's attempts to rush him out the door. Tim was all class, but he was clearly upset. Which means he should be ecstatic when they bring him back next week. I mean, they have to, right? Of course they do. I can't wait to see how it all happens.
C.C. McCandless is an independent filmmaker and freelance writer. He has a Bachelor’s degree in broadcasting from the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication at Arizona State University.
