If you are like me, and luckily most of you aren't, you were probably sitting back these past couple of weeks thinking the same thing that I was thinking - whatever became of Rocco from NBC's The Restaurant? Did the chaos that seemed to exemplify that show ever calm down? Did the restaurant ever make money? Can the NFL please hire Janet Jackson to perform at the halftime of every Super Bowl until I die? So many questions, so little time.
Janet may not be back, but Rocco is! Picking up where the first season of The Restaurant left off, the gang seems to be back in full force, Mama, Uday, and the rest. Proving the more things change, the more they stay the same, Rocco is more celebrity than chef, Laurent is still French, and the waiters and waitresses are still as inept at their jobs as I am at mine. What kind of recap is this, anyway? Let's get to the show!
Rocco reminds us how the eatery was built in five weeks and opened on time to mixed results and very cold food. Some people he didn't like quit, some people he did like quit, and some people he didn't even know quit. Rocco is now a celebrity, and employees and customers alike note his absence at his restaurant. In fact, it's sort of like a prime-time version of 'Where In The World is Matt Lauer', except we actually care where Rocco is. He's where all great authors/chefs are - flirting with really loose women at mall book signings! I knew I should have become a writer. Oh, wait. I knew I should have become a successful writer. Back to the show.
Rocco and his really hot girlfriend go to the airport to pick up Antonio, a famous chef from Italy. Luckily, he's lighter than he looks. Subtitles! He must really be Italian if they have to use subtitles. The cast is really coming together. The star that thinks he's more important than he is. The matronly character that everyone loves. The foreign guy nobody can understand. I thought That 70s Show was on Wednesdays?
Rocco's voice over made everything sound hunky-dory, but every good TV show needs a villain, and boy do we have one. Enter the financier, Jeffrey Chodorow, who resembles Gabe Kaplan with money. Finally, I can use all of my Mr. Kotter references. He and Rocco do not get along, and Jeffrey explains to his team of advisers that he has lost $600,000 on Rocco's restaurant. Only NBC has lost more. He schedules a meeting with our star later on that day. The suspense. The drama. The commercial break.
Rocco and Jeffrey meet at Mama's apartment, and shockingly, Rocco closes the door on the cameras. Luckily, NBC interviews each later, and two very different stories emerge. According to Rocco, Jeffrey was going to take over the restaurant. According to Jeffrey, Rocco was running the place into the ground. Also according to Jeffrey, Mr. Bookman was too power hungry for his own good, Epstein was under-achieving in the classroom, and Horshack wasn't nearly as funny as he thought he was. Jeffrey wants to have dinner at Rocco's later that evening, and meet with the staff the next day. Meanwhile, the executive chef of Rocco’s, Tony is not getting along with the Italian chef, Tony. It's like a throwback to the 80s, because all we hear is Tony! Tony! Tony! Personally, I was partial to Bell Biv Devoe back in the day, but that's just me.
Jeffrey and his gang appear at the restaurant, complete with his executive chef, his faithful secretary, his financial advisor, and a really young intern named Drew, who will forever be known in this recap as Doogie Howser. It beats being compared to Mr. Kotter. During the dinner, the big wigs bring up how out of control the expenditures are, including spending $9,000 on 5,000 business cards. I didn't know Rocco used to work for the Pentagon. Go figure.
The waitresses keep sticking close to this particular table, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation as best they could. Why didn't they just go home and watch it on TV like everybody else? All they know is that Jeffrey hates Rocco, and that there will be changes coming sooner rather than later. And that Doogie can't drink because he has an endoscopy scheduled for in the morning.
The next day, Jeffrey and his gang meet with Rocco, who doesn't like what he's hearing, so he storms off. On the bright side, Rocco will be headlining next years VH1's Divas concert. Back in the real world, Jeffrey meets with the staff of the restaurant, explaining that they are simply trying to improve things, not overhaul it. Kind of like when they cast Sandy Duncan on Valerie. She totally saved that show. NBC can only hope Jeffrey can do the same. Mama is not too thrilled, but the rest of the employees are open to the idea.
Back to Rocco, we see him in his office overlooking the restaurant, missing out on his birthday feast cooked by Antonio. Instead, he instructs his secretary to get his lawyer on the phone. I hope it's Jackie Childs! It’s ridiculous. Repulsive. Repugnant. Reprehensible. Kind of like this recap, huh?
Don't answer that.
Randall the Vandal, is a humor writer who enjoys writing recaps of the reality shows currently dominating the airwaves. Known for stealing other people's ideas and writing styles, Randall the Vandal has spent many years honing his craft in the finest detention centers across the southeast and is recognized as one of the funniest writers emerging today. At least by his mother. His father refuses to comment.
Email Randall here: randallthevandal2004@yahoo.com
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