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The Restaurant 2: Episode 3 Recap
By Randall The Vandal
May 11, 2004
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It's been two long weeks since we have seen the gang at Rocco's on 22nd Street, and NBC, after being bombarded by angry phone calls and e-mails from the half-dozen loyal viewers of The Restaurant have decided to air the third episode for this season. So off we go.
Carrie, the waitress that never works, Colleen the floor manager who does work and Shane, the other floor manager who bares a striking resemblance to the wrestler Triple H are all gathered to talk about the absence of Rocco, the presence of Mama and whether Shane can beat the Undertaker at next months pay-per-view.
Rocco, star and resident celebrity chef, is seen in his apartment with his girlfriend, Yvonne. Luckily, this time he has his clothes on. Unfortunately, so does Yvonne. But that's another reality show entirely. Jeffrey, the Mr. Kotter look-alike and Rocco's main arch nemesis, is seen riding down the streets of New York in his limo, driven no doubt by Freddie Boom-Boom Washington. Epstein would have done the driving, but he had a note from his mother. Jeffrey is going to meet a new hot shot chef who is not only very talented, but is also good-looking, charismatic and a star in waiting.
After a much needed commercial break, in which NBC had to pay the advertisers two million dollars to air their TV spots, Mama has invited Rocco into her apartment to view a video that was previously thought lost long ago. The unedited version of Gigli? No, we should all be so lucky. Instead, it's Rocco's graduation from the Culinary Institute of America back in 1986. How he managed to wear that chef's hat with his Flock of Seagulls haircut, I have no idea. After seeing what he looked like back then, I ran. I ran so far away.
Mr. Kotter is meeting with Ralph, the young chef who may turn out to be Rocco's replacement. In a rare bit of candidness, Jeffrey tells Ralph that he and Rocco just don't get along. Other news coming across the Obvious News Wire is Colin Farrell likes to drink, Michael Jackson is weird and I like to make obscure pop culture references.
After his talk with Mama, Rocco calls Jeffrey to try and bury the hatchet, but Jeffrey isn't there, so he leaves a message. Jeffrey calls back later, and the two have another intense conversation. Actually, Rocco has the conversation. Jeffrey does a lot of listening. Before the end, they agree to work together and even speak to the staff tomorrow jointly. Afterwards, they hang up and each react by contorting their face in disbelief of what the other had said. I haven't seen that many eyes rolling since Marisa Tomei won an Oscar. For those keeping score at home, Rocco has yet to step foot in the restaurant in this episode as of yet. Also, for those keeping score at home, you might want to get a hobby. It's just a TV show.
The next day, Rocco and Ian, his public relations manager, are on their way to the CIA. It really isn't the same since Cody Banks quit the agency. Oh, wrong CIA. Rocco gets to meet the students who are nearing graduation, and also gets to meet his mentor, Apollo Creed. Oops, that is Rocky's mentor. Rocco's mentor is Chef Sonneschmidt, who presents his former student with a symbolic knife, explaining that it is the same knife that his mentor gave him when he surpassed his mentor's accomplishments. Luckily for Rocco, it is just the perfect size a knife to stick in Jeffrey's back. Chef Sonneschmidt always was so helpful to Rocco.
While Rocco is basking in the glow of the CIA (apparently spies need to eat, too), Jeffrey is meeting with an unhappy staff. I haven't seen that many unhappy people in one room since I was a part of the studio audience for According To Jim. Jeffrey talks about how he and Rocco were supposed to be here together, but since he is the only one here, he is the real owner now. Laurent looks especially unhappy during this. Of course, this could be because he is French. I'd be unhappy if I was French, too.
Back at the CIA, Rocco auditions five chefs, one of which will be cooking in his restaurant in New York. Unlike Rocco, who never cooks in his restaurant in New York. Of the five, a likeable fellow named Justin does the best, and will be joining one of Rocco's teams in the coming days. Back at chaos central, Emily, the maitre'd from hell, is playing mind games with Amanda, the hostess in training. Emily is upset because all she asked for Amanda to do is to go up to a certain patron and explain to him that Jeffrey is not at the restaurant tonight. Amanda goes up to the wrong person two different times. The smoke that comes out of Emily's ears almost sets off the fire alarms, but the smoke detectors in Rocco's restaurant aren't up to snuff. Just like this recap.
Amanda talks to Shane about the mistreatment she feels Emily is giving her, and Shane hears her out, despite the fact that he has a big wrestling match coming up. He asks her to put on a happy face for the rest of the night, and that they will reassign her tomorrow. Emily corners poor sweet Amanda and confronts her about going behind her back. She also bites a beer bottle in half and stares a hole through Amanda that scares her. Scared me, too.
Rocco is now in his apartment railing against Jeffrey to his advisors. He never does that. Except every week. He explains that he is the owner and boss of the restaurant, no matter what Jeffrey says. He even discusses getting a restraining order against Jeffrey, and also talks about how freakish it is that he looks so much like the interior decorator from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. It is startling.
Justin, the grad student from CIA handpicked by Rocco, has arrived. He clearly has no idea what he's getting himself into. Rocco takes him to his other restaurant, Union Pacific, which is the complete opposite of Rocco's on 22nd Street. Meaning that it is well organized, calm and makes money. What fun would that be to watch every week, though? Back to his other restaurant, Janine the waitress in training finds herself in the middle of a pack of a lot of single, slightly inebriated women. I wish I would find myself in the middle of a pack of single, slightly inebriated women. While the others take shots at the bar, Janine is simply raising her tray. Uday, the captain, sees this and mistakenly thinks she was taking shots as well. Her bosses confront her and ask her if she did take a shot, which she denies. She was vaccinated three months ago. No need to take shots now, she explains. They don't believe her, and she is summarily dismissed. On her way out, she decides that they only way to get even with this mistreatment is to end her stay by smashing bananas. Billy Corgan is nearby, and thinks he has come up with a new name for his band. He is wrong.
Rocco is still at Union Pacific and talks about how perfect this restaurant is, as opposed to you-know-where. Rocco sadly leaves his first restaurant and glumly makes his way to his other establishment on 22nd Street. The show ends with him looking on with pride as his mother makes nice with the customers. Nothing fills the heart of a young man like abandoning his own business and forcing your 80 year-old mother to work full-time. Didn't I read that in a Hallmark card over the weekend? Probably not.
The show is over. NBC can only sit back and wait with baited breath for the Neilsen numbers to start rolling in. Or crawl in, as the case may be.
Randall the Vandal, is a humor writer who enjoys writing recaps of the reality shows currently dominating the airwaves. Known for stealing other people's ideas and writing styles, Randall the Vandal has spent many years honing his craft in the finest detention centers across the southeast and is recognized as one of the funniest writers emerging today. At least by his mother. His father refuses to comment.
Email Randall here: randallthevandal2004@yahoo.com
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