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The Restaurant 2: Finale
Recap By Randall The Vandal
June 6, 2004
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Before both of my fans get to excited about reading the recap from last nights anticipated series finale of The Restaurant, I must warn you. My local affiliate was showing The Children's Miracle Network Telethon Saturday night, and the show was pre-empted until 4am the next morning. My sleep deprivation will probably cause this recap to be extremely unfunny, not to mention the constant grammatical errors and misspelled words. The fact that I am a high school dropout probably isn't going to help. For those of you who could actually watch The Restaurant at its scheduled time, you have been treated to 3 hours of Rocco and Jeffrey within the last seven days. NBC programmers haven't punished its viewers like that since The Tortellis.
The show finally starts, and winter weather has descended on New York City. In fact, the sidewalks and streets in the Big Apple are covered with snow. It's snowing in June? Well, at 4am I'll buy just about anything. Especially if it's from Ron Popeil. But it's time for me to stop channel surfing and get down to business.
Back inside Rocco's at 22nd Street, Mama arrives for work and finds Rocco and his uberbabe girlfriend, Yvonne, sleeping in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that's a health code violation. I'm also pretty sure that I see a pair of leopard skin briefs lying on top of one of the blenders in the background. I'm also pretty sure I'll be canceling my reservations to dine at Rocco's for the next ten years. Speaking of which, I'm apparently not the only one canceling, as due to the inclimate weather, the receptionists announce to Mama that there has been over 200 cancellations. Of course, so did UPN.
While snow falls in the Big Apple, Jeffrey and his trusty limo are headed to sunny Miami to meet with another chef in hopes of replacing Rocco. This one's name is Marc and he is a former boxer turned chef. Hmmm, a former boxer is Rocco's main opposition. I wonder if I'll be making a Clubber Lang reference somewhere down the line? I pity the fool who predicts my jokes before I make them!
Back at the Rocco's eatery, our star and his new head chef, Gavin, are talking about Gabe, the worst line cook in the food business. He's going to be fired when he comes in, and Rocco will be doing the dirty deed. Didn't he already do they dirty deed with Yvonne? And will someone get that nasty set of undies off of that blender before the health inspector shows up? Gabe walks in fashionably late to his own firing, and Gavin catches him and tells him not to change. Because we love him just the way he is. And Rocco is going to fire him. Brief and to the point, Rocco terminates Gabe, who is left in tears. After saying goodbye to his co-workers, Gabe is greeted outside by Rocco's former executive chef Tony, who gives him a ride on his girly pink bicycle. Of course, he has to sit on the handlebars, since Tony is so big. Isn't this a scene from last week's episode of 'Queer As Folk?' I thought so.
Back in Miami, Crockett and Tubbs have successfully finished another drug bust. Down the street, Marc the chef is wowing all the members of the Chodorow Task Force with his incredible cooking, even making meatballs that everyone agrees are better than Mama's. Of course, Jeffrey says everybody's meatballs are better than Mama's meatballs. I think he just likes getting free meals.
Back in snowy NYC, Gavin and Billy the line cook are yelling at each other. If I wasn't awake by now, this scene did the trick. Usually everyone in this show is show calm and docile, so this part really shook me out of my chair. While these two are yelling, Rocco has begun burning wood in the gas stove to add flavor to the food. Incredibly, Sarah, the British bombshell from Jeffrey's tasks force, calls from Miami. Did I just refer to homely Sarah as a bombshell? I need my sleep. She wants to know if Rocco is burning wood in the oven. Man, she's good. It's like she's watching the show or something. She talks to Shane, who lies about how busy it is and how he can't see anything. Shane is a really bad fibber, and Sarah seems to know it. Shane should really work on being dishonest. I hope Rocco doesn't actually burn the restaurant down just because the wood adds flavor to the food. Not that I care about the place going up in flames. But I used all my fire jokes in last week's recap.
Rocco has been at the eatery a lot today, maybe a record for him. That all changes when he hears that Yvonne has been in a scooter accident. She was riding a scooter during a New York City blizzard. That's what I like about Yvonne, she's all brains. Rocco dashes out of the eatery and to the hospital and plays the concerned boyfriend. It is at this time that he probably realizes that he has been going commando all day. The rest of us have known for some time.
Remember the helpful female psychiatrist at the table of shrinks at the table at the end of episode four last week? Well, Lillith Sternin Crane is back. Jeffrey talks to her, and explains that Rocco was burning wood again, even though it's an obvious fire hazard. Lillith helps Jeffrey understand Rocco's point of view and later, Jeffrey helps Lillith see that she and Frasier should get back together, for Frederick's sake.
Meanwhile, Rocco and Laurent go down the street to a bar where no one knows anyone's name. Too many Cheers references? Sorry, but I just got the first three seasons on DVD. They are really good. Completely opposite of this show. Actually, they go to Beppe's, a bar and tavern run by Cesare, an old friend. Of Rocco's, not of mine. Although I'm sure he's a nice enough guy. Cesare begins giving Rocco advice to take it easy, relax more, have more fun. He even suggests that Rocco spend some time in Tuscany, where it is really warm. Jeffrey also wants Rocco to go somewhere where it's really warm, but it ain't Tuscany.
The next time we see Rocco, he and his mama are alone at a table. He explains that he is about to give up on this place, and is thinking about starting a new, smaller restaurant down the street. He invites Mama to go look at a couple of properties that he knows about, and he and his 78-year old mother walk down the frozen sidewalks about four blocks and peer in some windows. Let's see...works his mother like a dog, uses her as a pawn in his confrontations with Jeffrey, makes her walk four blocks during a blizzard. Obviously his 2004 Son Of The Year Award got lost in the mail.
After giving his task force the good news, Jeffrey wants to hold another staff meeting, this time to tell everyone what should have happened a long time ago, that Rocco's has finally made a profit. Everyone is excited, except for one person. Rocco is unmoved. So is Mama, but that's because hypothermia has taken over her body.
Jeffrey is upset at Rocco's reaction, or lack thereof, and calls for another one-on-one with his chef. They meet early in the morning, while the rest of the staff is having fun at an outside skating rink. Overstressed On Ice, let's call it. The whole gang is here, Carrie, Shane, Gavin, Billy the line cook, April, Matt, and two of the more popular workers on the show, Uzay the celebrity waiter and Bill the ex-marine turned celebrity waiter. Hoo-Hah!
And finally we have come down to this. Somebody is going to win this 6-month long, 6-episode battle between Rocco and Jeffrey. If you want Rocco to gain complete control of the restaurant, use your Sprint mobile phone and call 1-877-ROCCO-001. If you think Jeffrey is the right owner to save it from financial doom, use your Sprint mobile phone and call 1-877-JEFFREY-002. Or you can text your message as well. Come on America and vote!
Well, that's they way it should have been handled. Instead, Jeffrey offers Rocco one of two choices. Rocco can buy Jeffrey out or Jeffrey will buy Rocco out, but they cannot work as a team. Of course, neither can the Clippers, but they don't just give up so easily. Rocco said he'll have to think about it for a few days and would get back with Jeffrey. The show ends with a whimper instead of a bang. Just like every season for the Clippers. In the end, Jeffrey and Rocco end up suing each other for mismanagement of the restaurant. Something that we all knew about five weeks ago. So Mark Burnette finally takes one on the chin. You can't win them all. Just ask the Clippers.
Randall the Vandal, is a humor writer who enjoys writing recaps of the reality shows currently dominating the airwaves. Known for stealing other people's ideas and writing styles, Randall the Vandal has spent many years honing his craft in the finest detention centers across the southeast and is recognized as one of the funniest writers emerging today. At least by his mother. His father refuses to comment.
Email Randall here: randallthevandal2004@yahoo.com
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