Road Rules 13: Episodes 3 & 4
Don't Have A Cow
Recap By Cari C.
June 29, 2004
I sat down last night too watch Road Rules and I was so excited. Last week I was on vacation and can you believe I did not have MTV in my room. There is something wrong in the world when you go on vacation and can't watch your reality TV. I would have complained to the manager, but my husband said that would just let everyone else know about my addiction.
So I get home and finally got to sit down and watch last week's episode. It was a great show. We start off with Patrick talking about his girlfriend. That means, something is about to go down. Patrick tells us how awesome Jodi is. Hmmmm, I wonder if something will go on between the two of them.
Later in the night, Patrick and Derrick wrestle. Patrick easily defeats Derrick. In defeat, I guess he thought he would pick up Kina to show he is a man. Instead, he falls and hurts his knee. You can even hear it pop. He is now worried about tomorrow's mission. He rests and ices his knee.
The group shows up at the mission and the new mission mayors Carolina and Cristobal tell them they are going to be getting naked. They have to be painted and then stand in a Puma store's window while people walk by and look. The group is not happy but they are even less happy when they find out they have to completely shave their bodies. Except for the hair on their head, they have to shave everything else. Yes, I mean EVERYTHING!
The group begins shaving their bodies and Danny is enjoying it a bit too much. After they get painted, the group must stand in the window for 1 hour. They can't move at all, if they do, they get 15 minutes added on. They ask if anyone would like to quit, they can but the rest of the team must stand there for an extra hour per person.
Everyone agrees to stand and the window opens. There are tons of people looking. It is like they have never seen a naked person before. They just keep staring. Patrick gets caught moving his foot so they get an extra 15 minutes tacked on. They do finally make it and they get the next piece of the puzzle.
That night they go to a bar. I know, what a shock. Patrick is out and about checking out the ladies. He tells us the ladies are all nice but none compare to Jodi. The two kiss. Later he regrets the kiss because he knows it will hurt his girlfriend Courtney. He of course feels he must call Courtney and tell her. The two talk and agree to break up. Another one bites the dust. I wonder if the producers keep up with the number of ruined relationships these shows produce.
Oh well, on to this week. Our roadies get the call for their next mission. It says get a mooove on it. Kina thinks it has something to do with cows and she is excited. She is a little country girl and anything about animals is fine with her.
Flash forward, and Kina and Derrick are walking. In somewhat of a shock, we find out Derrick likes Kina. Apparently, the two have been growing closer. Derrick would like to take it to the next step. He really likes Kina and says she has many characteristics that he would like in a future girlfriend. They show flashbacks of them together. Kina however is not on the same page. She loves spending time with him but she does not see him as a "boyfriend."
Kina and Ibis are up the next morning getting ready to leave for the mission. Kina tells Ibis that Derrick tried to kiss her. I am glad I was not the only one shocked by these two, as Ibis seems surprised. Kina tells her that she is not here to hook up. She wants to do this thing and not have boys interfere. She says boys tend to do that.
The group walks to the next mission and they discover it is at a restaurant. Immediately you know that there will be no live animals at this mission. Cristobal and Carolina are back and they let them into the restaurant.
Inside we see plate after plate of cow parts. In this mission, they will be eating 13 different parts of a cow. No one is happy. Up until they walked in, Danny was telling us all how confident he was and how he could do anything. Not anymore, he is as white as a ghost.
The rules are as follows: The group will pair off and they will each be given one cow part at a time. They can't feed themselves though. Their partner has to feed it to them. They have five minutes to eat each item. After the five minutes any leftovers will be put on a plate and one person must be designated as the leftover eater. They must eat whatever is left in five minutes. They are only allowed one glass of water and their mouths must be checked after each round.
Danny is looking paler by the minute until he finally runs into the bathroom to puke. The mission has not even started and already he is throwing up. It is not looking good for the roadies. The group pairs off: Kina and Derrick, Patrick and Ibis, and Jodi and Danny. Patrick volunteers to be the leftover eater. He tells them everything is clean and sanitary so there is nothing to worry. They get ready to begin.
The first item on the menu is eyeballs. Kina tells us these things are nasty. They have this stuff inside that is gooey and it still has the eyelashes on it. Danny is having a hard time and at the end of five minutes he has only ate the lining. That means Patrick will have to eat a whole other eyeball. Next up is brains. Jodi tells him it will not be as bad as the eyeballs. He does do better, but Danny has a small meltdown. He hates this mission and doesn't want to do it.
After getting Danny calm, the next round of tongue is brought out. Tongue is followed by the glands and the heart. Danny is not doing well. Jodi thinks that Danny is not trying as hard as he can. He is gagging like crazy. Next up is blood sausage. Ibis says they eat this is Puerto Rico all the time so it can't be that bad. Jodi tells us that this stuff is like sausage but it has these little crunchy things in it that she thought were onions. It turns out it is clotted blood. Yummy!
Over at Derrick and Kina's table they are really helping each other. Kina says she is seeing a different side of Derrick. He is really helping her out. Kina vomits and he holds her hair and rubs her back. If you can find a man that will stay with you while you vomit much less hold your hair and rub your back, you would be crazy to let him go.
Back to the challenge, they are next served spleen, liver, and kidney. They seem to be doing okay. There is more vomiting from Danny. I don't know if he will make it. When the kidney gets there it is nasty looking. It has this nasty looking white stuff in the center. The roadies are disgusted. How do they eat this stuff?
Next up we have intestines, followed by rectum, and then testicles. Kina is really getting pissed. She sees the leftover plate getting fuller and most of the stuff on it is Danny's. Kina interviews, "If I can do it, Danny can do it. I've got the balls so where are his." I think his just got vomited up in his puke bucket.
Last up is the tail. The tail has a bone inside so it is not as much to eat as it looks but it is still pretty big. They have to pick the meat off the bone and eat that. Danny is about spent. He is upset because he thinks about 70 percent of what is on the leftover plate is his. I would say more like 95 percent. With only ten seconds left he does get his last bit of tail down.
It is now up to Patrick to win the mission for them. He has five minutes to eat all the leftovers. There is so much on that plate. I don't see how he can do it. As before, he can't feed himself. The group must feed him. I will give it to the group they gave it their all. Well, everyone except Danny. While the rest of the group is chewing the big pieces into smaller pieces, Danny just stands there. Ibis is doing a really good job helping Patrick and encouraging him.
Patrick gives it a good try, but it was just too much food. They lose the mission. The mayors come back to tell them they have lost. They will not get their puzzle piece and if they lose another mission they will have to vote someone off. Everyone is upset. Danny goes outside and begins to cry. Derrick tries to make him feel better, but we all know that it was Danny's fault they lost. I think he needs to suck it up and stop the crying.
I would like to take a second to ask if anyone else is tired of the Capri Sun commercials. I mean four times in 30 minute show is a bit much. We get it, Capri sun is a sponsor. I mean we saw Patrick drink one in the RV. Yeah Capri sun. Please stop showing that stupid commercial. I think I can recite it word for word now. All right enough about the commercials, back to the show.
We come back to Kina and Derrick talking. Kina is changing her mind about her whole no boys on the trip attitude. She says they are in this until the end and they have each other's backs. Derrick still wants something to happen. He says who wouldn't want a girl like Kina. He's already seen her naked and vomiting and he is still around. I think she should change her mind. How many times in life do you find a guy like that?
Later in the evening as they are coming back from the club (I know the shock!) they find a dog wondering around. They take it in to give it some water and Ibis falls in love. She wants to keep the dog. The group agrees and they name her X. She is now the official Road rules mascot.
Danny is afraid now. If they lose again he is sure he will be the one gone. Patrick agrees. He tells us if they had to vote now he would vote Danny. He thinks it wasn't about couldn't do it today; it was about heart and will. Ibis has the same feelings. She thinks Danny will be the first gone. I would agree. They lost the mission because of him and he has not been real great on any of the other missions.
Next week we have the big accident and another MTV reality star goes to jail. I wonder how much it costs to bail someone out of a jail in Chile? Do they even have bail? Tune in next week to find out.
Cari C is a part time Outreach Coordinator and full time mom. She is a reality television junkie and proud of it. She can be reached at: CariC9800@aol.com
