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The Swan Episode 8 Recap
By Kelley Rhodes
May 18, 2004
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If this episode teaches you ONLY one thing, it's this: FIX YOUR TEETH! You will NEVER, no matter whatever else you may have going for you, be considered beautiful with a mouth full of helter-skelter teeth. Got it? Another thing, if a show spends $250,000 fixing up your ugly mug, then you should at least FOLLOW the rules!
Now that we have the essential elements established, let's end this thing once and for all. This last week of competition amongst our Swan contestants concludes with one woman automatically accepted for the pageant, and the other woman ejected for smuggling a major no-no into her suitcase - a mirror! GASP!!! This is an unforgivable offense for contestants according to the Swan powers-that-be.
Which duckling will be both transformed and promoted on to compete in the 'ultimate' Swan pageant? And which one will totally screw the show by getting all her expensive plastic surgery performed free of charge, and then squander any chance for the riches that accompany the title? Let's find out now….
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Our first lucky duck ….um, I mean Swan-to-be, is Tanya, a 31 year old mother from Olympia WA, who wants to be an invisible woman. School was hell for Tanya because the other kids always found time to make fun of her large proboscis. Tanya hates her nose and says, 'It's like, I look in the mirror and that's all I see." At school kids hurled insults, and sometimes objects, her way. This ill treatment has made Tanya an unhappy, bitter woman. It would piss me off too. Tanya's husband Brian feels that her insecurities 'cause problems for herself and the outside world'. He hopes the Swan program can help her gain the confidence to live a normal life.
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When Tonya bought her car she wanted tinted windows so that other drivers wouldn't gawk at her profile. Although Tanya tries to be invisible, what she really wants is to look good and be seen!
Tonya's plan includes:
On her face - a nose job, an eyebrow lift, upper lip lift with lip augmentation, cheek and chin implants, and Lasik eye surgery.
On her body - breast augmentation and lift, and a tummy tuck.
Her dental work will include - Zoom bleaching, 6 upper veneers, deep cleaning and gum surgery
Her fitness plan includes - a 1700 calorie a day diet, and 2 hours per day in the gym.
Weekly therapy and coaching will hopefully increase her confidence and self-esteem.
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Our second Swan wannabe is Merline; a 29 year old single mom of three from Victorville CA. Merline has had a tough life. Raised by deaf parents, Merline had to serve as their interpreter her whole life. Merline was proficient at sign language by age ten when a she was forced to communicate with EMS workers after her dad suffered a heart attack. Merline put her God-given talents to use and became a sign language interpreter at age 18, "it's my first language and pays my bills." she says. Merline drives many miles a day to help her charges. Her boyfriend, Carlos, says Merline works at least 12 hours a day.
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Merline, overworked and exhausted, maybe has time each day for a shower, nothing more.
She worries about her crooked teeth and the fact that after having three kids her breasts have gotten even smaller. Merline's sex life with Carlos has also suffered. Merline has wanted braces for over 10 years but her children's needs come first. Her dream is to be able to 'laugh and not think twice about it.'
Her plan includes:
On her face - a brow lift, upper lip lift, liposuction under her eyes and chin, fat transfer to her cheeks, and Lasik eye surgery.
On her body - breast augmentation and a tummy tuck.
Her dental work will include - Zoom bleaching, upper and lower veneers, gum surgery, three root canals, decay removal and deep cleaning.
Her fitness regimen will include a 1700 calorie a day diet, and two hours per day in the gym.
Her therapy and coaching will help her overcome her insecurities and learn to focus on her own needs for the first time on her life.
Tanya and Merline arrive in Los Angeles to begin their three month transformations. Like all the contestants before them, they learn that there will be no access to mirrors during their programs -Tanya says, "I hardly ever look in mirrors as it is at home anyway."
Merline meets with Dr. Randal D. Haworth for her initial consultation. Dr. Haworth says Merline is a very photogenic girl who needs a few strategic changes to achieve an 'exotic, alluring, mysterious look'. He hopes to balance out her prominent cheekbones with a chin implant, give her a happier smile with an outer lip lift, and even out her breasts with implants.
Tanya meets with her surgeon Dr. Terry J. Dubrow, who wants to give her a more feminine look. His first plan is to take the bump out of her nose and refine it. He will also reshape her childbearing-ravaged body with breast implants and a tummy tuck.
Next, Merline meets with cosmetic dentist Dr. Sherri Worth for the most critical phase of her makeover. Merline will require five office visits to repair her neglected teeth which, according to Dr. Worth, are 'a mess, her teeth are crooked and crowded, really decayed and her gums are severely infected. This is a big job'. Dr. Worth removed an impacted, infected tooth, and performed three root canals on teeth she was about to lose. Lastly, Merline's teeth were bleached and she was given temporary veneers. Before the pageant, those veneers will be replaced with permanent ones.
For Merline's plastic surgery, Drs. Haworth and Dubrow will work together to transform her face and body. After performing her eight hour surgery, the doctors shake hands on a job well done.
Tanya, a self-described control freak, is very nervous the night before her surgery; she is especially worried about choking. Her surgery goes well, but Dr. Dubrow worries that her emotional state may hinder her recovery.
Dr. Haworth visits Merline only 12 hours post op and says she already looks amazing. He thinks she will breeze through her recovery. Merline just wants to 'get better and get out of here'.
Tanya, on the other hand, is in terrible pain. She tells Dr. Haworth that she feels horrible. Two days later, Tanya expresses her pain with anger, "I feel worst than I expected, and I need to lay down before I punch somebody in the face." Tanya is in an emotional tailspin and has more bad days than good.
Merline is healing well, but her phone calls home only cause her to worry because her boyfriend isn't holding up his end of the bargain - her bills aren't being paid on time and her children aren't doing the activities they need to do.
Tanya is in a deep depression and feels like giving up. Life coach Nely Galan thinks Tanya is becoming more negative as time goes on. She confronts Tanya about her anger, and tries to motivate her by showing her part of her pre-surgery interview. Galan wants to help Tanya stop being so cynical.
Therapist Dr. Lynn Ianni works with Merline to help her learn to focus on herself more than she does on others. Merline calls home again, only to find out that once again her bills haven't been paid on time. She feels like she needs to go home and take care of business herself.
Tanya continues to fight her depression, but she has wonderful support from home. Her upbeat, encouraging mom tells her that she must complete the process for herself or she 'will regret it for the rest of your life. You've come this far, you can't quit now'. Tanya's faith in the program appears to be renewed.
Host Amanda Byram joins the panel of experts to reveal a shocking turn of events. The Swan Nazi's have discovered a mirror hidden in Tanya's room. Nely Galan asks why she broke the rules. Tanya doesn't deny being a cheater and says she knew for weeks that she wasn't going to make it. "Maybe if I'd been a different person, it would have worked out, but maybe I just wasn't the right person to do this." Dr. Ianni says Tanya felt too isolated being away from her family. Tanya gets her wish: she is finally an invisible woman after all.
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The experts discuss Merline's case. She has no idea that her competitor has dropped out of the competition. Dr. Worth is especially pleased with the new smile she has created for Merline. Merline walks into the room to the obligatory round of applause. She is wearing a long black dress similar to the one Goth princess Elvira wears. Merline looks wonderful. She walks to the red curtain to see herself for the first time in three months. Merline waits…the curtain finally parts and Merline says, "I'm as hot as I feel!" She is thrilled with her 'million dollar smile' and feels gorgeous. Amanda breaks the news to Merline that because Tanya dropped out of the program, she is the one going to the pageant!
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Byram explains that a final spot remains open for the pageant. One of the former rejected Swan wannabes will fill this wildcard spot. The contenders are Kelly A., Christy G., Tanya C., Kathy R., Andrea M., Kelly B., and from week seven, Dawn G. The judges have determined that two of these women have what it takes to be chosen for the pageant. The first finalist is Kelly A. from week one. Her competitor is Christy G from week two. The woman who is not chosen tonight will be the pageant alternate.
Kelly and Christy nervously await the decision. The last woman to enter into next week's Ultimate Swan pageant is Kelly A.!
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Kelly was chosen because she kept working really hard on herself even after she wasn't initially chosen to advance to the pageant.
Kelly will compete against former winners Rachel, Cristina, Cindy, Beth, Belinda, Sarina, Marnie and Merline.
Next Monday night at 8:00 p.m., one of these women will be crowned the ultimate swan in a two-hour season finale. I'll be watching, and if you can't you can read my take on it here.
Kelley Rhodes is a full-time mom, part-time reality tv junky and would-be writer.
You can contact Kelley at kacir03@yahoo.com.
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