Tommy Lee Goes To College: Episodes 4
It's A Wiener Launcher All Right
Recap by Brian Sikorski
August 31, 2005
Tonight's train wreck starts off with our hero, Tommy Lee, doing his part to help out at a barbeque. He's manning the grill when his attention is directed towards a man carrying a giant hot dog. Tommy is as giddy as a schoolgirl at the sight as he realizes it is the one and only "Wiener Launcher", a hot dog shaped air cannon. Tommy straps it on and loads it with hot dogs. "Who wants hot dogs?", he screams. He pulls the trigger and the foil wrapped wiener takes off into the air higher than his career will ever be.
Tommy is then is introduced to "Rocky Mountain Oysters". He is told how they are made from the clippings of castrated bulls, breaded and fried. He shows his ignorance by declaring that he had never heard of such a thing. He says that they taste like chicken and we take off again into the montage that we know as the opening credits. I have a copy of the album Tommyland: The Ride and I must say that is a delightful blend of sugary pop and rock. I recommend picking up a copy as giving it a listen. You can envision the opening titles in your head as you listen to the first track.
In Professor Kerr's class, we find that the students have been assigned to read "Tommyland". Tommy's book, If you haven't seen this book or bothered to pick it up at your local bookstore, Amazon has some "Look Inside" pages scanned and you can check out a few pages full of reasons to continue to not bother to pick it up at your local bookstore. The professor encourages her students to "read and discuss". Not many students are chiming in since there is very little information found inside that could actually be discussed in an educated way without having to go home and wash yourself clean in rubbing alcohol. The professor mentions that she is having a hard time understanding who the opening of the book is talking to. Luckily for her the author is there to explain that in that section of the book he is arguing with his penis. I like to envision that this is a common occurrence for him. Driving to a concert he is arguing with his penis. His driver asks him whom he is talking to and Tommy tells him that he is talking to his penis. Then there is the awkward silence for a good moment or two, then Tommy goes right back to arguing. Maybe sometimes it's not an argument at all; maybe they are discussing the latest episode of "Lost". Tommy's penis thinks they are dead, Tommy thinks they are alive. They go back and forth on the whole thing. Anywho, the professor says loves it. What exactly does she love, is she declaring in public, her love of Tommy Lee's muscle? Is she? No of course not! Get your head out of the gutter. She says, "It paints a beautiful image". Wait a minute. Maybe she is.
Later on, Tommy is chilling with some of the guys, pounding back a few beers. The conversation comes up about joining a fraternity. Tommy asks about the initiation rituals and what not. After discussing it, he decides to join Alpha Gamma Nu. Let the hazing begin! The camera shows paddles hanging on the wall and then we see Tommy and other candidates up against a wall standing in front a man dressed in a black cape and hood number. Some foreboding words are spoken and the robe is dropped. The leader discusses with Tommy about the rules. To be a member you must take part in at least two clubs and have a GPA of at least 2.5, as well as take part in chores. Tommy is asked to clean up the dishes after the appealing sounding, "Chicken night". If there is such thing as "chicken night", the mind wonders, what are the other nights? Why doesn't this show explore that little mystery? Instead we just hear how it smells like "feet and ass". After doing the dishes, Tommy does some laundry and is asked to clean the toilet that "has some piss on it". Nasssss-ty! It wouldn't be a recap by me if I didn't mention my buddy and narrator, Ian Kerr. By the way, for you loyal readers, Ian beat me by 42 points. The bastard. Anywho, the narrator then makes a little joke by doing a parody of the MasterCard "priceless" commercials. Oh my stars, when will this show stop! This is just too much!
After leaving Alpha Gamma Nu, Tommy vows to start his own fraternity.....
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