Trading Spouses: Episode 8
Gates and Loupe Families: Part 2
Recap By Unicornchaser
November 30, 2004
VegMom vs. CajMom
All of us cherish our beliefs. They are, to a degree, self-defining. When someone comes along who challenges our belief system as insufficiently well-based -- or who, like Socrates, merely asks embarrassing questions that we haven't thought of, or demonstrates that we've swept key underlying assumptions under the rug -- it becomes much more than a search for knowledge. It feels like a personal assault.
Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
Once again, two clashing lifestyles collide head-on in this glimpse into the hearts and homes of a Vegan vs. Cajun household. Once again, the show makes it perfectly clear who the "bad guy" is. Cynically, we can say that a $50K prize is generally worth stepping out of your comfort zone for, but the bottom line is that it also takes guts to expose your family and lifestyle to millions in the Trading Spouses way. It also requires intensive weaning out with such as a FBI profile and background checks, plus a battery of tests (psychological, medical, drug and blood tests).
In this case, it appears both moms swapped in order to be educators, if nothing else. One had a good time, one did not. Both families were confronted with serious challenges to their belief systems. All at some point probably did feel personally assaulted but in the end, all came away with much more than money or anything "buyable". If nothing else, they all are much more content, satisfied and have learned without a doubt "there's no place like home"... except maybe Vegdad...
And if there is one thing we should keep in mind as we get to know the string of families on Trading Spouses with all their follies, strengths and weaknesses is that this is a life that works for them, generally, in a perfectly acceptable manner until the camera crew came along. We are just seeing a very, very tiny bit of their real lives so we should try to keep an open mind as we form opinions of others. Most of all, we should cherish all our uniqueness while taking comfort in the fact that with an accommodation here and there, many different people manage to not only find a life partner but to create an environment consisting of what matters most to them, someplace to call home. Someone to hopefully miss them when gone, or not, but knowing that is crucial as well.
All these episodes trigger our curiosity and should make us challenge our belief systems on a lot of different levels: the meaning of love, family, habits, comfort zones, flexibility / open mindedness, eating habits, etc. We all have much to learn from each other and much to teach as well. The most interesting thing about the "new" parent allocating the money for the other family is that to be done properly one would need to watch and listen carefully in order to understand their values, needs and wants as much as possible in a very short week. One should ideally at least attempt to walk in their shoes, especially since $50K is a significant sum for most families. Furthermore, a little grace and courtesy goes a very long way, as this episode clearly demonstrates.
Cajun Family: Diego Loupe, Diana Lynn Tregle, son ZZ
California Family: Jim and Barbara Gates, kids Jack and Lucy
Let the recapping begin! The first new action shows VegMom waiting for ZZ to get off the school bus, noting that he is "hard to bond with" and "can be insensitive sometimes". Well, he is a third grader, after all! VegMom went there to "be a good mom" so she tries to help ZZ with homework. "That's my strong point, cause I'm really smart.... I think. No, I know". The plural and singular word rules are the assignment, but her smarts were in the off position when VegMom insisted that the plural of monkey is monkies. VegMom isn't smart enough to know that one shouldn't talk with a full mouth either. Major Yuk!
ZZ politely corrects her repeatedly to no avail. VegMom pulls out the "There's always rule breakers" rationale, but never bothers to look the correct answer up. That would have shown ZZ, by example, what to do when there in doubt about something like grammar rules. And it would have definitely solved the monkey dispute with authority. Teaching ZZ what resources are available for a correct, needed answer would have been a much better way to go. Then VegMom could and should have given him an example of a respectful apology for being so adamantly wrong. Or maye she never does figure that one out? Instead, ZZ is told he's confused, which understandably starts to frustrate and anger him. Privately ZZ assures us he knew better all along. VegMom insists "I know what I'm talking about, okay? You need to listen to me cause I know". Well, in this case, VegMom misses the boat -- not for the first or last time...
CajMom is taken to the beach to see how beautiful fish are in order to reduce her desire to eat them. This backfires when instead of making her incapable of being a party to seafood murder, CajMom orders some crab stuffed fish. The kids are upset that their plan didn't work. However, there is no way CajMom is going to miss out on great California seafood. VegDad unfairly pouts that CajMom should have "hung in there" on the vegan trail. This is an unmerited jab because she was never shown violating any rules (food or otherwise) IN their home at all. Or being disrespectful at all for that matter, no matter how she was treated or how uncomfortable she felt. In a restaurant (where none of their pots or fridge will be contaminated with meat essence), what is wrong with CajMom ordering what she wants to eat? Surely these children have seen others eat such things before, but maybe not. CajMom enjoys her fish so much that she considers it the best decision of the trip!
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