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The Ultimate Love Test: Episode 1
Behaving Badly In Baja
By Caligirl
June 3, 2004
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Commitment Phobia Runs Rampant
Four couples, four sets of problems. Can ABC help? The idea is to test the strength of the relationship in each case.
I'm not sure who rigged up this convoluted plan, but the basics involve four couples who have not been getting along as well as they should. The genius solution to this dilemma is to separate them and send one of them to a luxury resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, where they can work out their problems by meeting someone who is placed there to charm their pants off-literally! What kind of therapy is this?
Allow me to introduce you to the couples. Meet Amber and Diego who have dated for two years. They are both 24 years old and live in Burlington, VT. Whereas Amber is an adventuress and loves to travel, Diego is a homebody who wants to stay in the safety of a small town. Amber gets sent down to tropical Cabo to be tested by being introduced to Roy, a handsome doctor who has wanderlust just like she does. Can you spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e?
Then we have Kenesha, 24, and Brandon, 28, from Newport Beach, CA. They've been together for three years and were even engaged for some of that time. He says that they have amazing chemistry but that didn't stop him from being unfaithful to Kenesha. What better way to test his fidelity than by introducing him to a blonde hottie that he had already met and liked before?
The next couple to be rended asunder are Heather, 27, and Frank, 33 who live in L.A. They perform in a band, and even though they've been dating for two years, Frank still lives at home with Mom and Dad and is very very afraid to leave his Playskool toys behind. Heather wants a moving van to pull right up to the house and yank Frank out of there because she loves him and wants a ring and cohabitation. There is a cunning plan afoot to help in bringing this about. She will be sent to Cabo to be reunited with her ex-boyfriend who is ready to commit to her because he still loves her. Way to go!
Our last couple is Carolyn and Jayre. They are both 26 years old and live in New York City.
Even though they've been dating for three years, Carolyn wants more while Jayre is fantasizing about marrying four women and she doesn't seem to be included. This guy is a certifiable lunatic. Instead of sending him to the loony bin, however, he gets to go to beautiful Cabo San Lucas by the Sea of Cortez in order to meet three lovely ladies. Why only three? Didn't he want four?
Further Issues Plaguing Our Lovebirds
At first nobody is aware how they will be tested until each couple receives a letter telling them that they will be separated for a 3-week period during which one of them will be going away and the other stay behind. This comes as a huge shock and surprise to all the couples. They don't quite know what to think of it. They knew somehow that there would be a "test" or "challenge," but they had no clue as to what form it would take. However, since there is a $100,000 prize at stake, they will have to jump through some sort of hoops in order to win.
It also is revealed that the departing member will be introduced to a special someone who will show them what has been missing in their present relationship.
Brandon promises that he will pass the test with flying colors and will remain true to Kenesha no matter what temptations lie ahead. He confesses that as much as his infidelity hurt his girlfriend, it just about killed him. How he must have suffered.
Jayre, who feels that Carolyn is very pushy, is ready to face whatever comes his way, while she's convinced that while they're separated, Jayre will realize that she's the only one for him. Who else will constantly berate him and remind him to put his shoes away? He ruminates about how their sexual relationship has altered from having it all the time to a rationing system where Carolyn doles it out in small portions. Not to be outdone, he's also come up with a plan. He introduced a unique 4-ring system which will buy him some time before the actual wedding, if it ever takes place. So far Carolyn has received only one ring which is named the "hope ring." After that comes the "prayer ring," then the "wish ring," followed by the "engagement ring," and if all goes well, the marriage band. This guy has more tricks up his sleeve than Penn & Teller.
Meanwhile, in lovely Vermont, Amber and Diego are having a heart to heart about their differences. He cannot understand why in the world she wants to stretch her wings and leave Burlington where he is quite content to remain. Amber states that there is so much in the world to see and she wants to leave. Even though Amber thinks of Diego as passionate and intense, he wants to stay close to his family and she wishes he were more willing to loosen up the ties that bind him to his hometown.
In Los Angeles, Frank and Heather have a great relationship. At least that's what they say. They are both members of a band that's doing quite well and they seem to be compatible. However, every time Heather mentions the dreaded "M" word, Frank breaks out into hives and turns beet red. He must be quite a sight. At 33, Frank still lives at home and doesn't seem to have any intention of moving out. Marriage and kids scare him. She promises him his very own dresser if he shows some cojones and moves in with her.
Knock, Knock, Who's There?
At each door, a Special Delivery letter arrives with the notification that Heather, Jayre, Amber and Brandon will be leaving in the morning much to the chagrin of their partners.
The next morning, in the limo, they find out that their destination will be Cabo San Lucas, and their spirits brighten considerably. This is not going to be so bad after all, at least not for the four that are going. It's obviously going to suck for Kenesha, Carolyn, Diego and Frank.
The liberated foursome arrives at a gorgeous resort where they are shown to their individual casitas - little houses for you Spanish challenged readers -- which even have individual swimming pools. Many exclamations of joy and delight are heard and then the real surprises begin.
Jayre, who dreams of marrying 4 different women because he has a whole lot of love to give and also would like some variety in the booty and boobies department, meets the first of the trio that has been selected for him. Her name is Eva and he is blown away. He tells her to call him "Big Daddy" and decides that he has become an instant fan of Germans, since that is Evie's background. When she says, "Tell me about your girlfriend," Jayre quickly answers, "She's at home." Not very gentlemanly of him, is it? He believes that he would like to experience sex with the fraulein. After all, he's been kept on a pretty short leash lately.
Another surprise awaits Heather. Her ex-boyfriend C.R. is ready to jump back into the relationship that he had with her before she threw him over for Frankie. She does not seem to be too averse to this suggestion and he promises her that they will have a good time together. Initially, she is shocked to see him, but after thinking about it, believes that this gives them a second chance to gauge their relationship.
Amber meets Dr. Roy who greets her with a nice bouquet of flowers. In fact, he can even identify one or two of them by name. This impresses the hell out of Amber. He's a doctor who knows flowers too, not bad. They will spend the next three weeks getting closer and Diego is fading into the distance fast. She sees it as a good sign that Roy appears nervous. He tells her that he is aware that she and her boyfriend are at a crossroads. She believes that this test might be a good thing to find out once and for all whether Diego really is the one for her.
Brandon, who promised that he would never again fool around on Kenesha hears someone knocking at his door and is greeted by an attractive blonde named Brooke who makes a grand entrance while saying, "Sweetheart, how are you?" as she sweeps in. It turns out that she has met him once before but they never went out together. Although he admits that he was attracted to her at their initial meeting, he will not be tempted. Yet. Hopefully. We'll see.
Video Messages For The Stay-At-Homes
The poor souls that have had to remain behind finally get a gift in the form of a big flat panel monitor and equipment to enable them to receive emails and photographs of their loved ones. Only it's not quite that simple. What they will get to see is their significant others romping around with other eligible men and women while they're at home pining away.
For anyone who has never watched "Temptation Island," it should be noted that these videos get deadlier and more incriminating as the new relationships deepen. There is no doubt that this show is patterned after that guilty pleasure that was "T.I."
Diego is watching Roy and Amber together and claims not to be at all jealous. She actually admits that while Diego can't give her what she wants, perhaps Roy can.
Kenesha has her mom by her side as they watch Brooke act seductively toward Brandon. As Kenesha says, "She's attractive," Mom is no big help as she readily agrees with her daughter. Kenesha can't figure out why Brandon is acting like he knows this girl. Think about it a little harder, girlfriend. Poor Kenesha then has to listen to Brooke say that the reason men stray is because they're not getting what they need from their present relationship. What a bitch. My personal belief is that men cheat because they want to cheat. Some do and some don't. Kenesha says sarcastically, "Well, it's a good thing to go to bed to" but I'm sure she's not going to be resting easy.
Frank is watching Heather cavorting with her ex-boyfriend and he hears her say that she's been dragging Frank along like a ball and chain and that he's totally indecisive. C.R. reiterates that they will have a great adventure and that Frank is the wrong guy for her. Not surprisingly, this pisses Frank off to the point where he throws a can. He says that it's not cool to watch his girlfriend and some dude gallivanting around.
If you think Frank was pissed off, then you ain't seen nothing yet. Carolyn gets to see Jayre and Evie (as she prefers to be called) getting very cozy. Evie thinks it's important to let a man have his freedom. Carolyn is seething. She says to the screen, "Keep up the good work." Wait until she finds out about the other two chicks waiting in the wings. Oooooooo weeeeeeee. Jayre better start making other plans for his return trip.
Next Week: Apparently due to lack of a real Host, we just hear a voiceover ask which couples will survive? Which couples will break up? Which couples are "meant to be?"
CaliGirl loves the Ocean, granola and winemaking. When not busy with that, writing is her biggest thrill, well almost. She can be reached at california_girl100@yahoo.com
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