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The Ultimate Love Test - Ep. 2 - The Heat Is On
By Caligirl
June 10, 2004
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What A Difference A Week Makes
Actually, that's in TV time. They might have shot this episode 3 days later. I have learned that this kind of deceit goes on everywhere including Survivor. They just make us wait an entire week to build up the suspense.
Won't you join me as we check in on those wacky separated couples and see what kind of mischief they get into this week?
More and more, it appears to me that Cabo is the place to be if you want to carry on clandestine romances and then have them videotaped and sent to your boy/girlfriend back home as they're whiling away the time feeding your cat and cursing the one you're with while pretending not to feel threatened.
However, things are definitely heating up as we check back on our newly paired lovebirds who are far more interesting than those poor suckers that they left behind.
The Cabo Couples And Their Stranded Mates
Amber and Dr. Roy
Pretty, artistic, passionate Amber is delighted to be in such a beautiful place. Although she misses Diego, she's feeling mighty inspired. And why the hell not? Dr. Roy is there to admire and squire her around. He even gifts her with a digital camera because he recognizes what an artist she is. The funny thing is that he is going to show her how to use it. I remember that she said that she loved photography and this is a point and shoot digital camera. Maybe it's like a guy giving a girl a golf lesson - just an excuse to move in real close and click that shutter. He is hoping that she opens up to experiences and to him. Amber, in turn, wastes no opportunity in badmouthing Diego by saying that he doesn't do "sweet little things" for her anymore, even though he used to.
Diego watches the video of Amber's betrayal, albeit only verbal so far, in the safety of his parents house where Dad is none too sympathetic. While Diego is saying that Roy seems like a nice guy, Dad is convinced that Diego is just giving Amber away and the smart thing to do at this point would be to sell the car and buy a plane ticket to Cabo to presumably whisk Amber back to safe old Burlington. It's not clear whose car this is supposed to be, but Diego is not sure what he wants to do at this point.
It's Amber and Diego's second anniversary and as she's cavorting with Roy we hear Diego say that he misses her and hopes that she's thinking about him. Not while they're jet skiing and Roy keeps coming up with a list of things that she would like to do, buddy. In fact, the very next thing is making the rounds of art galleries, and still catering to her artistic nature, they go to a pottery class where she's trying to come to grips with making some sort of weird heavy jar on a wheel. I'm waiting to hear the strains of "Unchained Melody." I expect to see Whoopie Goldberg jump out at any moment. Please, anything but that.
Amber and Roy exchange information about themselves. He's a cancer specialist and she's duly impressed because Diego's ambition is to own a gym and train people. He spends most of his time at the gym as it is. Big dif! Roy seems like a great guy and attractive too. He says if he were Amber's boyfriend, he would not let her leave.
Brandon and Brooke
Let's get to Loverboy Brandon. Initially, he had a deal with Kenesha that if he even kissed another woman she would have to leave and he's still adamant that he won't cheat with the lovely Brooke. Kenesha worries about what he'll be up to for the next 3 weeks. Fear not, he'll be up to no good.
However, what Joe don't know, I mean Brandon don't know, is that Brooke has arranged for a sensuous double massage. While they're getting duly oiled and rubbed, a discussion ensues about Brooke's unawareness of Brandon's girlfriend. When she asks him outright, "Do you have a girlfriend now?" he answers with that sneaky male double talk, "I did, I do." What the hell is that supposed to mean? He explains that there was a "three-day window" when he asked her out last time, but Brooke is not sure whether she believes that story.
Brandon wants to get his mitts on Brooke, he's in awe of her beauty. They go parasailing, swimming and then out to dinner. Brooke says he is way too "touchy feely" and asks him outright what his agenda is. She says that he needs to prove to his girlfriend that he's trustworthy and he defends himself by saying that he hasn't cheated yet. That's only because Brooke has kept him at bay.
They go to a nice restaurant called Mi Casa for dinner where Brooke is going to ask some tough questions. First question, why did he cheat on Kenesha? Answer: Because he needed more confidence. He asks her not to "dub" him as a cheater because he'll never do it again. There is so much resentment now in the relationship, like none of it is his fault. This guy is about as worthless as an empty wallet. During all this time he's making every move possible on Brooke. The more he tries, the more she's turned off. He admits he's been looking for a woman for three years. Is that the alcohol talking because he's doing shots? He keeps trying to kiss her but to no avail.
She has made it her mission to help mend this relationship and not hook up with Brandon. She certainly doesn't want Brandon "snaking her booty." She has come to the realization that he's not ready for any type of commitment.
Jayre and Eva and Carolyn
Jayre is having a heart to heart with Eva. For the time being, he has not met the other ladies yet. She asks how his sex life is right now and he tells her that Carolyn (his girl back home) is not into sex very much. Eva immediately retorts with "I've never met anyone who doesn't want to have sex with me." Well, good for you! What are your rates?
In any case, they go snorkeling after she entices him by stripping down to her bikini and asks him, "Are you ready, big Daddy?" He admires every inch of her. All this unfolds via video in front of Carolyn who remarks on sagging boobies, dimpled skin, unattractiveness and too much weight. I don't know what she's looking at, but the green-eyed monster has sure gotten hold of her brain. She can't stop slamming Eva while glaring at the footage - "You might be getting somebody else, but you're not getting Jayre" and "You have no chemistry, bitch!" Yeah, well, from where I'm sitting, Eva is scoring big with Jayre and he's not even thinking about Control Freakette Carolyn for one second.
Jayre, is so far restraining himself from doing anything more than drooling all over Eva. He's kept his hands to himself and thinks he deserves 20 gold stars for that alone. Eva thinks that it won't be long before temptation gets the better of him. He even takes hold of Eva's hand and tells her that he wants to take her home. He also admits to his fantasy of wanting to marry four women. She laughs it all off, but is playing along.
(I'm getting this eerie feeling that the producers are orchestrating all of these events from behind the scenes just to make things happen, and I'm sure some of you are feeling the same.)
Carolyn laments that while she doesn't enjoy sex, Jayre isn't into kissing. She meets her friend James for a meal and she unloads all of her worries on him. She tells James that she and Jayre used to talk 15-20 times a day by telephone. James is getting a bit freaked now and realizes that this woman ain't right in the head. He tells her that women are "tempting" and Jayre is not at fault. Carolyn repeats this as if it's her new mantra - "women are tempting." She sees the world in a whole new way.
Heather and C.R.
It must be something in the balmy breezes of Cabo, but Heather now seems to be enjoying C.R.'s company and wants to further explore their relationship and feelings. C.R. has decided to take her on a tandem bungee jump, and much like the other backstabbers that are down here, she says that Frank would never do anything like that with her. Although she was nervous, it felt great to be taking that plunge together and even though she feels just a teensy weensy bit guilty, she can't help but notice how attentive C.R. is being. For instance, he actually opens doors for her which is another thing that Frank wouldn't do. She is looking forward to whatever comes next. Maybe C.R. will pull out her chair when they're having dinner together. You never know, the guy is full of surprises.
Back at her apartment, Frank and her cat Milton are watching the video of these exciting events, but Frank still is not too worried. He's convinced that Heather is all done with C.R. After all, they broke up two years ago when she met Mr. I'm-not-ready-for-commitment-so-I'll-live-with-my folks-forever Frank.
By the second video, it's getting to Frank that C.R. openly states that he wants to win Heather back. C.R. believes that Frank is wrong for her and she deserves someone better. I wonder who he means? He couldn't possibly be referring to himself now, could he? Oh yes, he could and he is.
Let's Wind This Thing Up For This Week
Kenesha: She's getting worried. She recognizes a legitimate attraction, but so far believes that he's not misbehaving. Well, I've got some news for you; it's Brooke you have to thank for that. You need to kick him to the curb and stop wasting your life with this jerk.
Carolyn: She's not used to watching her man touch another woman. Wait'll she finds out about the rest of the waiting wenches. At this point, she is so angry that she says there will be even less sex than in the past. Carolyn, Jayre is tired of being controlled by you and you're not giving him what he wants. Go to a shrink.
Heather: She and C.R. are having a great time and he is more convinced than ever that her present relationship is not working. Heather, this might be a chance to dump that stay-at-home loser Frank. But your cat Milton is cute. Keep him.
Amber: Roy is looking better and better to her. He might be able to give her things that she's never gotten from Diego. Well, that is a sensible assumption, since one is a doctor and the other is a gym rat. At this point, she's not even sure if she's in love with Diego. Diego, don't do anything rash, let her go, you're wrong for each other.
Next Week If You're Still Watching This:
Brandon misbehaves and Brooke blows up about his bad conduct. Kenesha is summoned to Cabo. Jayre gets his wish and his harem. Heather and Amber's passions intensify, but not for each other. What kind of show do you think this is, anyway?
Ready for more? Find out on the next scintillating, exciting episode of Ultimate Love Test.
CaliGirl loves the Ocean, granola and winemaking. When not busy with that, writing is her biggest thrill, well almost. She can be reached at california_girl100@yahoo.com
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