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The Real Housewives of New York City: Dueling Labor Day Parties
Recap and Commentary by RTVC Staff Writer Erin Newell
March 12, 2010
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There are no words to contain my excitement for the new season of The Real Housewives of New York City to begin and yes I know I missed last week, the kickoff, the beginning, the insane showdown aboard the borrowed yacht that I watched three times, laughing so hard a piece of bologna went down the wrong pipe and now I swear it’s sitting in my lung slapping around and giving me permanent bologna breath.
Anyway, apologies for my absence… I was drunk… on a business trip… becoming a success one beer at a time. Now, onto the show!
Bethenny and cute-as-a-button boyfriend, Jason, wait not so patiently for Ramona, AND HER NEW HAIR, oh and her husband, Mario, too. They arrive, discuss Ramona’s “sassy” hair and how her sex symbol days are over (I choke but the bologna remains). They waste no time getting down to what’s important, rehashing what has already happened in their lives like the yacht altercation between Ramona and LuAnn. This leads us to the source of the controversy which happened last season when Mario referred to the “Countess” LuAnn as the “Countless.” Which I guess means there are a lot of her or she can’t count or something bad but remember this folks because whatever it may mean, this one comment will be referenced a countless number of times throughout this episode and possibly their lives, oh wait, I get it now…
The group runs out of people to gossip about and altercations to rehash so they take it to the dance floor. Ramona awkwardly thrusts and bounces to the house music as Mario mirrors her sweet moves. They take it to the next level, literally, when they climb onto a table to give everybody a better view of how the pros do it. When the grinding begins I grab for the nearest sharp object to gouge out my eyes, but unfortunately all I have is a bag of Lay’s which leads me to a thought that makes me gag and cough… did I just smell bologna?
Rosie, LuAnn’s former housekeeper and a burst of wonderful energy, arrives for a visit. Victoria, LuAnn’s teenage daughter, shows off her matching wrist casts from falling off the roof which LuAnn suspects was a failed attempt to sneak out. The kids quickly find something better to do than visit with the woman that raised them which allows for LuAnn to tell Rosie how much she misses… her cooking. She follows it up with a hefty guilt trip that LuAnn’s life fell apart with the divorce and moving and then Rosie abandoning them (to selfishly be closer to her own family… the nerve). LuAnn reminds us how good of friends she and Rosie are as she babbles on never asking Rosie about her own life. She tops it off by congratulating Rosie on keeping the weight off because if a friend can’t be there to remind you were once overweight, then what can they be there for?
On an awkward note and at what appears to be a “Miami Vice – Please Dress as Crockett” party, Simon and Alex join Ramona and Mario for dinner. Ramona talks about her hair because when you’re the first person in the world to have a haircut, it’s rather exciting. Ramona decides to invite Simon and Alex to her upcoming luncheon because she’s in a good mood. For the sake of habit, they recap the ongoing feud between Mario and “Countless” LuAnn which triggers Mario to make a phone call to apologize which he does so on her voicemail (how excited do you think he was when LuAnn didn’t answer).
Jill arrives to LuAnn’s Hampton’s house.....
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