Survivor Heroes Vs. Villains: "Coach" Ben Wade - Stimpy's Take and Interview Commentary and Snarkfest by Stimpy
"Coach" Ben Wade (38)
Tribe: Villains
Hometown: Susanville, Calif.
Current Residence: Susanville, Calif.
Personal Claim To Fame: Holding the World’s Record for “Longest solo kayak trip 6,132 miles.”
Inspiration in Life: “Composing classical music for the Susanville Symphony.”
Previous Finishes: Tocantins: 11th out, 5th jury member
Favorite Past Moment: “My monastic approach to exile.”
Previous Survivor He Respects Most: Tom Westman (Palau)
Previous Survivor He Respects Least: Johnny Fairplay (Pearl Islands, Micronesia)
Why Did He Come Back?: “Redemption!”
Stimpy’s Thoughts
Oh god. Do I really have to endure another season of this moron?
Apparently so, Stimpy, so suck it up dude.
Okay, let’s get this outta the way tout de suite: Douche™ has NO shot at winning this thing.
None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Diddly. Bupkus.
It’s not just because I think he’s a moron, it’s because the guy literally has no freaking clue about anything.
Yeah, in his video he says he’s going to trust no one, and slay everyone.
But then he goes on to say that he’s going to become a whole new character for this season, because the ‘Dragon Slayer’ can’t be repeated.
So, he intends to become this character, and weave him into all the philosophies he’s going to PUSH, this season.
Yes folks, you read that right and heard it right if you watched the video. Douche™ is going to push his philosophies on people again.
Seeing as how they went over so well last time out. The beauty part here, is that this season, playing the part of Sierra, will be Courtney.
Anyone wanna wager a guess how well his shit goes over with her?
Or, perhaps Douche™ will try to improve Sandra. Yeah, I can see that going well.
Now, I admit, that Douche™, may have a ready-made alliance with Tyson going into this thing, but I dunno if that will last or not.
With this group of returning players, Douche’s™ spiel will not go over well, and the only reason he may get far is if someone realizes what a piece of freaking gold Douche™ would be in the finals.
If I’m anyone on the Villains tribe and the crap starts flowing from Douche’s™ mouth and I see the rest of the tribe rolling their eyes, I take this goober under my wing and try and clear a path to the finals.
Do you think after the jury questions him that he’d get any of their votes?
So, as stated, for Douche™ it’ll either be:
-an early exit; Which of course will be interpreted by Douche™ as the others being fearful of him, not sick of him.
-a long run as potential jury fodder; Which of course will be interpreted by Douche™ as a validation of his style because he got so far.
And the legend will only grow from there.
Maybe the pygmies in South America will welcome him back with open arms on his next visit.
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