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Stimpy's Take

Jessica "Figgy"
Justin "Jay"

Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X: Meet Chris
Stimpy's Take
Septeber 6, 2016

Ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce you to man who personifies the word ‘driven’.

Sweet jesus this man’s life reads like a Hallmark movie of the week. Drug-trafficking dad leaves you when you’re fifteen in a trailer without running water and you rise above it and become a trial lawyer?

Being inspired by Gerry Spence? Not too shabby. I mean the guy never lost a case no matter what side he was on. So in terms of idols you’re not exactly setting the bar low there.

Now while all of that is impressive how does that relate to Survivor? Not very much other than the fact that the man is driven. That’s a plus though.

I like how he says he’s able to juggle people and their different personalities, because that’s Survivor in a nutshell. And while he says he can tolerate almost all types of people I wonder if he’s watched as much Survivor as he claims.

Let’s face it folks, assholes and villains don’t just equal ratings, they’re also cast as an impediment. In that, can you deal with this asshole and not let him take you off your game?

You can say you can tolerate almost all types of people, but hell even in a game for a million dollars I’d have had a hard time not strangling the likes of Russell the Dick™, Scrotum™, or Ne-DAN-derthal™.

So I’m hoping Chris has an extra dose of tolerance before he heads out there. I’ve already spotted a few potential assholes on the Millennial tribe and Chris is only the second one I’ve gotten to on his tribe soooooooooo.

I did really like how Chris mentioned his memory and how he’d be able to remember everyone’s stories. It’s not just in the ‘he said this then, but that now’, kind of way either, it’s a way of connecting with people. And in a social game? That’s HUGE!

Recall Samoa and Russell the Dick™ in the finals? Laura BEGGED him to tell her something personal about her, and he couldn’t. I still maintain that he could’ve gotten her vote IF he’d bothered to play the social game. Yes, he tried to flatter her, but when he demonstrated that he didn’t bother to learn anything about her on a personal level, Laura’s vote went to Natalie.

I also like how Chris says he can fit in with the ‘in’ crowd AND the ‘out’ crowd, meaning I don’t think he’s likely to treat people poorly if he happens to be in a position of power and that is another good key to winning the game.

However, I do have to take issue with one thing. Saying that Boston Rob put on one of the most dominant performances ever on Survivor. If he’s talking about All-Stars then I’d agree. If he’s talking about Lame Twist Island™? I disagree. Only because of the undying amounts of hero-worship that factored into things.

Yes, Rob did still have to play things correctly, but in the end when you’ve got a Fawning Girls Alliance™ (that included Grant), and get into to the finals with a non-factor and Phil the Crab Killer™ the odds are kind of in your favor.

So what does this all mean? Ultimately I like a lot of what Chris brings to the table, but at the same time there’s something missing here.

I’m certainly not saying he’s got no chance because I think he does. He’s got the tools and the talent. So the potential is there. I just dunno that Chris has what it takes to make said potential kinetic.

Still he could be one to keep an eye on.

Meet Ciandre

Got thoughts? Post them below.

Stimpy is a huge fan of Survivor and enjoys dissecting each episode. When not watching Survivor or sports on TV, he fills his time by skydiving, rockclimbing, golfing, and rollerblading, as well as sitting on the beach drinking beer in British Columbia, Canada. You can contact him at

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