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Stimpy's Take

Jessica "Figgy"
Justin "Jay"

Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X: Meet David
Stimpy's Take
Septeber 6, 2016

A note to Jeff Probst and CBS: Can you please stop casting namesakes that are out there like fucking Pluto? Thanks.

More importantly how in the hell can you cast someone who describes themselves as ‘OCD, nervous and paranoid’? Where Hannah knows she’s a wing-nut and embraces it, David is a wing-nut and just seems to shrug and say ‘whatever’. And not in a good way.

I mean for the love of all that’s holy, how can you have a pet peeve about people who misuse the word ‘nonplussed’, when NO ONE IN THE WORLD USES THAT WORD????

Jesus fuck.

Oh it gets better. Much in the same way finding out that you don’t have syphilis but AIDS, better.

His inspiration in life is Mr. Spock. A fictional inspiration. One who got lobotomized without any hair loss, and had a ‘jam session’ with space aliens.

THAT ladies and gentlemen is called ‘setting the bar so fucking low a snail could get over it’.

All that being said, David may have an ‘out’ here. He’s at least aware of his limitations. And since he’s on the Gen Xer tribe, he’s less likely to run into young alphas who have the ‘gotta keep the tribe strong’ mentality.

Still even a tribe of older and wiser people are not going to let any dead weight hold them down. Unless they prove themselves useful in another way. Such as: as useful vote.

I don’t get that David knows that’s his path to success. He references Cochran (shocker), and even Joe (pardon?), but he doesn’t seem to get that his lack of physical stature isn’t a strength.

He does when he mentions that no one will see him as a threat, but he doesn’t mention how he’s going to have to work it socially in order to get through things.

And while being paranoid on Survivor ain’t the worst thing in the world, if you can’t prove your worth in SOME way then you’re of no use to anyone out there.

While I get that there are aspects of chess that can be applied to Survivor, without understanding that at its core, Survivor is a social game.

Even an OCD weakling can win this thing but if they don’t prove their worth in some way, they won’t last long enough to win.

An OCD weakling can’t win this thing if they’re so paranoid that they don’t form good bonds with anyone, or demonstrate good strategy.

He may get dragged along if he proves himself as a useful vote, but I don’t see any way this whack-a-doo will win this thing.

And that has me nonplussed.

Did I use it right? Of course not you paranoid son of a bitch. I didn’t think you had a chance the moment I looked at your profile.

Meet Hannah

Got thoughts? Post them below.

Stimpy is a huge fan of Survivor and enjoys dissecting each episode. When not watching Survivor or sports on TV, he fills his time by skydiving, rockclimbing, golfing, and rollerblading, as well as sitting on the beach drinking beer in British Columbia, Canada. You can contact him at

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