Survivor Millennials vs. Gen X: Meet Zeke Stimpy's Take
Septeber 6, 2016
Well it seems that Zeke wants to be thought of as this season’s asshole. He’s succeeding admirably right of the bat with his profile.
Trust me folks. Anyone who describes themselves as ‘devilish’ is just using code. What they’re really saying is ‘Look at me! I crave attention! And if I have to be an asshole to get attention then I will do it!’.
He says he’s never thought of himself as a millennial and then snobbishly says they should ‘ask one of the other children’.
That translates as: I’m better than the others. Oh, and my shit doesn’t stink.
He admires Joan Rivers. Seriously? Because she had more facelifts than Carter’s got pills? Newsflash Zeke: You might be too young to remember this, but Ms. Rivers was being primed to take over for Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. He loved her and she was made permanent guest host anytime Johnny wasn’t manning the desk.
But she got too big for her own britches and went off to start her own late night show running opposite Johnny’s. It lasted about two months and she was never spoken of again nor seen on the Tonight Show ever again.
That’s not someone to admire. That’s the kind of person you sake your head at and say ‘what the hell were you thinking?’.
Minor rant there, sorry.
Okay, so Zeke likens himself to Tony. But he can’t help but condescend again as he slags Tony for living in New Jersey.
Then he has the balls later on to say people fascinate him and he’s not judgmental. Fortunately I am and I judge Zeke to be remarkably unaware of what a freaking douche bag he is.
Zeke says he has a passion for the game, but also says he’s here to lie, manipulate and make big moves. The thing is last season we saw Michele play a very low-key, subtle and nuanced game to get the win.
Granted Tony won his season playing like a bull in a china shop, but lest we forget, Tony’s win came at the benefit of Woo’s incredible stupidity. Now sometimes Survivor is all about capitalizing on the stupidity of others but you’re not always going to have the benefit of someone of Woo’s low brain power.
It’s much better to come in and say ‘I’m not above lying if I need to do it’, and ‘the real key is knowing how to get people to go in the direction I want is to make them think it’s for their benefit’.
I get the feeling that watching Survivor for years Zeke sees this as an opportunity to be on national TV and be an asshole because that would be cool. And let’s face it, assholes equal ratings so Probst et al are probably thrilled to have found this guy.
He’s going to be this season’s villain, and we’re going to hate his guts and wait for his inevitable fall and rejoice when it comes.
Because Zeke ain’t winning. Despite being a bull in a china shop, Tony wasn’t really an asshole nor a villain. That’s why he was able to pull off the win.
Assholes like Russell the Dick™? They don’t win. Because they’re assholes, nor villains.
Zeke aspires to be an asshole and a villain. Hence, he won’t win.
Stimpy is a huge fan of Survivor and enjoys dissecting each episode. When not watching Survivor or sports on TV, he fills his time by skydiving, rockclimbing, golfing, and rollerblading, as well as sitting on the beach drinking beer in British Columbia, Canada. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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